I'm not quite sure how to start this post but just jump right in. It's back to school time for all my teacher friends and those with littles and should be for me too. My Facebook and instagram feed are filled with #bts pictures, classrooms that are getting all spruced up for the new year and students. Target has a dedicated corner of back to school supplies and the dollar spot is overflowing with great little teacher finds. All reminding me that I am not going back into the classroom this year and may not ever be able to go back.
I spent years [yes multiple] out of college trying to find a teaching job and just last year I found it. I found a great school with amazing staff and wonderful culture. Damn, it was close to perfect. And now I am in this limbo. I no longer have an immune system for now and I don't have any vaccinations. I am pretty much a new born baby when it comes down to it. With that being said working with 4/5 year olds where the germs are bountiful and spread with love is basically a death trap for me. I have been told multiple times that I need to "re-evaluate" my career path. Basically the kind way to say - you can't do what you love to do and you need to find something else. Easy right? I mean I didn't struggle to find that previous job, I didn't go through all the woes of is this the right thing for me, like one does. So finding a new career path - psh easy peasy. NOT. I know I don't need to stress about it right at this moment as I still can't go "back" (i don't get to go back to teaching) to work but it weighs on me a lot. Especially right now when I wish I was setting up my classroom, making name tags, cubby tags, deciding where to put all the tables, do I keep this fish again this year? I wish I was stressing over all the changes that come with a new school year, writing lesson plans, learning my students names, reading their files, but that may never happen again for me. So I rack my brain with what I can do next. What is the next step, next part of my journey?
Luckily that answer doesn't have to come right now. Right now I still get to enjoy my time, heal and recover, but it is always in the back of my mind.
fighting Myelodysplastic Syndrome with a sunny outlook
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Live in the present and take it one day at a time.......otherwise it is overwhelming........Hugs
ReplyDeleteI believe an answer will come when you need it to come.
ReplyDeleteDear Elle; John Kochnaczyk's Mom Debbie here. Many moons have passed, happy memories of canal boat rides in London. Just a thought...I now have my own International yoga teacher training school. 200 hours yoga alliance cwerified teacher traning program. I am able to accredit others from where ever I teach. My curriculum covers, yoga, stress management, breathing techniques , meditation and much more. I will be in Tuscany, Italy from May till ??? if you are able to travel and feel that a month long educational program in Tuscany , Italy might be something that you would feel beneficial , I would be delighted to train you and your mom,( love her) to become Yoga instructors... my program will be without charge, as will accomodation. just get yourselves to Italy, 150 hecters to play in and a possible new direction that might help your thought process. Yoga, meditation, breathing techniques and your experiences through the complex and unsettleing journey of Myeloplastic syndrome may offer you an avenue to explore. I will be happy to share my passion to you and if your mom if interested...Tuscany is be
ReplyDeleteautiful, Mom would love the culture and Italian markets...Just a thought xxx Namaste Debbie xxx
Wow, Debbie, thank you so much! If I am able to travel and be away from Houston for that long come May (cross my fingers I am!) We would love love love that opportunity. I hope you and your family are doing well - it has been many moons since and fun, found memories I look back on - that canal boat ride was so much fun and can't believe we actually did it!
Delete-Elle
Dearest Elle. As i watch and hear about your healing journey and wonder what's next for You, I often think about life changing events in my life and my children's lives. I don't know if that helps or distracts from staying present with You and your path. What I can say is that I am so, ever so grateful and blessed to see you now and feel the grace of your presence all of our lives. A Farmers Market brought us together, but then again, did it? Adoring you!
ReplyDeleteDearest Elle. As i watch and hear about your healing journey and wonder what's next for You, I often think about life changing events in my life and my children's lives. I don't know if that helps or distracts from staying present with You and your path. What I can say is that I am so, ever so grateful and blessed to see you now and feel the grace of your presence all of our lives. A Farmers Market brought us together, but then again, did it? Adoring you!
ReplyDelete